The Royal Wedding Is Next Week...

...and a lot of people are making a big deal out of it.
like, a MAJOR deal out of it.




The majority of the country will literally be dropping everything they usually do in order to watch the wedding on tv.
They'll be gushing like crazy and raving about how great it is.

What's that? 'What about me'?
Well...




Seriously, fuck all this buzz. It's a wedding, whoop-de-fucking-doo!

Let's get one thing straight around here.
You can call me unpatriotic, but i don't care for the royal family at all. AT ALL.
i don't even support the idea of monarchies in the first place.
To me, the Queen is nothing but an old granny with a crown. Suck it, old bag.

But my beef isn't with the royal family themselves, just the method in which they came into power.
Why should someone get to run our shit just because they were born into a certain family?


Here, let Monty Python explain this shit for you.




Basically, that's my problem.
I'm not comfortable with being run by someone we couldn't vote for.
How is that a fair system?

Nobody should be born with an automatic right to power just because of their blood.
Everyone should have to work hard off their own backs if they want such a position.
Me and the Queen are no different to each other at all.
We are both breathing, pissing/shitting, talking pieces of living meat.
There is NOTHING except her title that makes her different from me.


So when anyone preaches a "holier than thou" attitude to me when describing royalty, expect this from me:




Fuck the Queen, fuck the Princes, fuck their whores, and fuck the wedding.



You know where i'll be on the wedding day?
Out having fun with my friends, thanks to you suckers officially giving the whole country the day off work.

Manchester United knocked out of the semi-final.

I follow football (soccer) regularly when it's showing on TV, and i sometimes go to matches.
Me and my family support Derby County, but i also like to watch premier league games from time to time.
Concerning the teams i follow the most, it's pretty much a combination of man united, liverpool, and arsenal.
I definitely like man united more though. They just charm me for some reason.

So, yeah... recently they were knocked out pretty one-sidedly by a strong man city team.
Though the result itself doesn't bother me at all, hence the picture above.

What pissed me off was the fact that this was our own god damn fault.
Berbatov screwed up a glorious chance, Carrick gave the ball away cheaply for city's goal,
Scholes got himself sent off, and we couldn't play Rooney because of the ban he's serving.


It all adds up, bro.




Firstly, i don't blame Rooney for getting the ban. It's really not his fault.
So what if he swore into a live TV camera? At the end of the day, pretty much nobody cares.
Swearing happens. it's nothing new. Your kids aren't as innocent as you think, y'know.
The sheer amount of foul mouthed children i see everyday in the street is living testament.

And besides, i fail to see why we dodge the main issue and paint Rooney as the scapegoat.
The problem is OUR SOCIETY, people! Wake the fuck up! WE did this!
If you're going to bitch and moan that Rooney's language touched your child's ear while he/she watched TV,
then put some earplugs on the little bastard/bitch.
As long as your ears are open, you'll never escape swearing.

If i ever have kids, i'm not going to hide them from swear words.
I'm going to teach them every swear word in existence, and THEN teach them that those words are wrong.
This way, i don't need to wrap them in motherfucking cotton wool.
Damn, they can even listen to something like eminem for all i care, as long as they don't repeat it.


Anyways, moving onto Scholes. What can i even say?
The man boasts a tremendously successful career history, and in his prime he was definitely a contender for best midfielder in england.
Hell, even now he still produces beautiful long passes and crosses.

But even after all these years... the guy still doesn't know how to tackle. At all.



You know i love you Scholesy, but you've let us down big time :(
It almost feels like he's trying to get more red cards than birthday cards before he retires.


I don't think that Carrick is even worth mentioning.
It was an amateur's mistake, there's nothing more to be said about it.
...At least, other than "stop being so shit at defending. You shouldn't pussy-pass.
you should always GET RID. BOOT IT AWAY."
I'd rather wag my finger at Berbatov anyway.
He wasted two brilliant chances within seconds of each other during the first half.
They don't pay you all of that cash just so you can make a fool out of yourself on national TV.

You were barely a metre or two away from goal. How did you miss? HOW?



And to make matters worse, i used my man united glass during dinner, claiming it would be a good luck charm.
Not only did united lose, but the little fucker fell off the counter and smashed last night.
Thanks a lot, dick.




There are a couple of positives to take from this though...

- We're still likely going to win the league.
- We still have one extra cup to shoot for.
- Based on Joe Hart's performance today, the England side still have a solid goalkeeper.
- Mario Balotelli continues to be a great source of entertainment.

Mario basically walked towards the man united supporters and showed them his badge as a taunt.
The man united players flipped their shit, with Ferdinand and Anderson leading the manhunt.
Luckily, things were diffused pretty quickly before a fight could break out.

I found it extremely amusing though, Balotelli is an excellent troll. See the wink? Classy~

That certain kind of fantard.

Not much pisses me off like a fantard does.
I'm NOT talking about simple fanboys/fangirls.
Those people like something very very much but that doesn't actually make them stupid.
Hell, i myself am an unashamed One Piece fanboy.

I'm talking about fanTARDS.
The fans who take their fandom SO seriously that they do not listen to logical arguments. At all.
It's like talking to a retard with above-average communication skills.
(regrettably, even this is not always the case ¬_¬)
We all know a couple of these folks, right?
You'll find them on almost every public forum in existence.
They're like pokemon. They just kinda...jump out at you. most of them are only lvl10 though.

But wait, even within the ranks of those fantards there exists an even WORSE form of fantard!



That's right, you read that correctly.

This post is about THE OMEGA FANTARD. (Because they don't deserve the word 'Alpha'.)

Example:

Let's say there is a random debate between fanboys/fangirls concerning the generic "who would win, character A or character B?" argument regarding manga/anime.

Let's say that i chime in with:

"Well both sides have raised some interesting points, and there is a fair case for either one,
but character A is from a completely different series to character B, so there's no reliable scale to place them on.
Maybe you should let it go for now and debate about more important matters within the individual titles themselves?"

This is what i'd expect the average rational fanboy/girl to say:

"I guess... meh, whatever. you're right. this was getting boring anyway. ...i still think character A/B would win though."

This is what i'd expect the average omega fantard to say:

"LOL!!! WHATEVER!! DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO, FAGGOT! UR NOT A MOD, LMAO XD
YOU'RE JUST SCARED BECAUSE IT WAS ABOUT TO BE PROVEN THAT YOUR FAVOURITE CHARACTER IS A LOSER!!!!! LOLOLOL EPIC FAILZORZ!!!"

See what i'm driving at here?
What seperates an omega from his/her comrades is the way in which he/she conducts him/herself.

Notice the all-caps, almost like he/she feels the need to yell away his/her personal insecurities.
Notice the excessive exclaimation marks, something they believe is "Edgy" and emphasizing.
Notice the immediate reach for vulgarity and insults, cementing their status as a deluded idiot and/or terrible troll.

Usually it's best to completely ignore these people.
But if you fancy yourself as a bit of an internet flame warrior, then save your energy in feeding them,
and simply give them short and simple pictures/videos that sum up their post entirely without writing a single piece of additional text.



This is also a humilation tactic, as the omega won't know what hit them and they will most likely flip out in confusion.
Some people may even take the opportunity to gang up on the omega and pile on the frustration
by constantly mentioning how their post was 'torn apart' by your response.

Omegas are one of the main banes of internet forums everywhere and i smile a little inside everytime i see one of them get banned after a bitch-fit.

Pokemon Black/White

Ok, time to kick things off.

As you know, we've been given yet ANOTHER two pokemon games, Black and White.
One really does wonder when they'll run out of names, or pokemon designs themselves.

Anyway, a lot of people were preparing to dismiss these games as 'more of the same', 'more recycled bullshit', etc before it even came out.
But i'm happy to declare that my copy of pokemon black has breathed new life into my love of pokemon. It totally caught me off guard and delivered a big heaping dose of awesome.



Yes, the experience was that damn good.


Notable changes:

- The professor in this game is a woman.
- TMs are now re-usable.
- There's a new battle system that shows up from time to time.
- There are quite a few new attacks and abilities.
- Battles seem quicker than usual because the 'slowly decreasing hp bar' animation is gone.
- Sometimes you'll get video calls from one of your allies.
- The Global Trade System has improved, and is now easier to use.
- The game has seasons and the weather to match.
- You get 2 rivals instead of 1. for the first time ever, all 3 starter pokemon get picked.
- You get the most complex and intricate "plotline" so far in the basic pokemon franchise, including a unique cause for the enemy organisation.
- The gym leaders get more involvement with the plot events, often helping you fight or gather info.
- The graphic quality has shot up by miles.


I'm currently on my way to the pokemon league, aiming for the top!

out of the 6 pokemon on my team, these 3 are my top fighters:




Normally these 3 sweep the floor with any opposing team, especially the badass croc.
Let's hope this continues when i face the Champion and 'N'.
TIME TO THROW DOWN, BITCH! D:<

so...yeah. time for a rundown.


POSITIVES:

- A fresh new look, improved graphical detail, and some gorgeous animations.
- Re-usable TMs! Duh!
- A ballsy plotline on gamefreak's part. (actively debating the 'animal cruelty' issue regarding pokemon).
- All 3 starter pokemon get taken! And 2 rivals = twice the fun when you thrash them! :D
- Some pretty powerful pokemon are available fairly early on (e.g. the crocodile).
- During the winter season, the water puddles everywhere have frozen, and on some routes there are mounds of snow that you can climb in order to reach areas you couldn't in the other 3 seasons. Gamefreak did some excellent work here, such consistency!
- The gyms continue the "type themed route to the leader" trend, with some of the best ideas yet.


NEGATIVES:

- Cheren's personality is annoying for most of the game.
- While some of the pathways and bridges are indeed well presented, before i got the Fly HM i really didn't appreciate needing to bike my way over a long-ass landmark just to get to the next town.
- Some of the pokemon designs are flat out retarded.

i do not accept these fucking abominations as pokemon, ok?






There are probably more, but i'm super tired so i'm ending this post right now anyways.

As far as the game is concerned: 8/10
Despite the major improvements, it's still not enough to warrant a second playthrough IMO,
but i would definitely recommend it to any and all pokemon fans.